National Amnesia Day
Uncle Bill Warner
We have a lot of days which are official, semi-official, unofficial and ethnicity-specific days (like Armenian Martyrs Day) . Mothers' Day, Fathers' Day, Children's Day, Grandparents'Day. Secretary's Day (now "administrative assistant's day), Bosses Day, Valentine's Day, May Day, Easter, Mardi Gras, New Years Day, Cinco de Mayo, Christmas, Ramadan, El Dia de los Muertes, Labor Day, Passover, Chinese New Year, Kwanzaa, and a whole flock of People's birthdays from Washington's to Jerry Garcia's, Columbus Day, April Fool's Day, Groundhog Day, St. Patrick's Day, United Nations Day and on and on . We have long ago run out of days in the year .
Now, when the Catholic Church ran out of Saint's days, they created "All Saint's or All Hallows Day," just dripping with goodness. Then you had to have "All Hallows Eve" (Hallowe'en) to give the evil spirits their last chance to raise hell before that sacred day broke.
Maybe we need a national "All-Holidays" day, where we roll up all the "extra" holidays we don't have room for on the calendar and celebrate 'em all at once. "All-Patriots' Day"? We could even make the night before some sort of bacchanalian blowout with celebrity arm-wrestling and dwarf-tossing.
Well, all of this got me thinking about all these days when you are supposed to remember stuff, and the thought came to me that maybe we need another cycle of special days, culminating, when we hit 365, in a "National Amnesia Day." To forget all the things we'd rather not remember.
Some of the days we might want to add might be: "Forget California Once Belonged to Mexico Day," "Forget About the National Debt Day," "Forget My Lai Day," "Forget We Once Had Clean Air Day," "Forget the Dust Bowl Day," "Forget the Pogue Carburetor Day" (see, you've already forgotten that one), "Forget About the Homeless Day," "Forget About the Lack of Rehabilitation in Our Prisons Day," "Forget About Nuclear Waste Day," "Forget About All the Big Corporations Who Have moved Their Headquarters to the Cayman Islands to Avoid Paying U.S. Taxes Day," "Forget About the Outsourced Jobs Day," "Forget Bill O'Reilly Day," "Forget About White Collar Crime Day," "Forget About All the Lies That Have Gotten us Into War Day," (well, lets make that a week one day won't be enough), "Forget About Where Wal-Mart Gets Their Stuff To Sell Day," and "Forget About How Tomatoes are Supposed to Taste Day."
I asked my kids for suggestions, and they came up with "Forget When People Got Married Before They Had Kids Day," "Forget About Silicone Implants Day," "Forget About Spaying and Neutering Day," "Forget About What's in Hot Dogs Day," and "Forget About What its Like Driving in San Francisco and L.A. Day," "Forget About the Fact That Your Representatives in Congress Has Sold His Soul to the Devil Day." and "Forget About When America Was Run of the People, by the People, and for the People Day."
Certainly we would be better off if we forgot about at least as many things as we are supposed to remember, right? Tit for Tat, that's my motto.
I do intend to honor the new "one minute of silence" rule on Support the Troops Day, though. I spend a lot of time praying for their safe, overdue return already, so what harm can 60 seconds a year more make? Let's hope the Congressmen that voted it in are dedicated to getting our troops out of an endless, unwinnable war.
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